100 Things to Do Before I Fall In Love Again

I found a great blog, where a girl lists 100 things she'll do before she falls in love again. It was her way of focusing on herself after her break up. Well, my broken heart has well healed but I still haven't found someone love. I've met many guys, gone on many dates, and even found someone who I would have enjoyed having a relationship with, but nothing yet has come to fruitaton.

For a while that was frustrating, but now I find having the time to focus on myself, while at a good point in my life, is mostly enjoyable. So in her spirit, I'm starting my own 100 Things to Do Before I Fall In Love Again. I don't yet know what this list is going to look like, it might be frivilous, it might be serious. Let's find out.

1. Visit Tara (and now Avanti) in San Francisco.
2. Visit Reada in Peru. 
3. Go to an Amigos site this summer as a visitor.
4. Watch someone I love commit themselves to a wonderful relationship.
5. Bike ride in the rain.
6. Kiss a stranger at a wedding.
7. Compete in a boxing match.
8. Fly First Class
9. Make a scrap book of a trip - Lui
10. Win a game of Texas Hold 'Em.
11. Take tennis lessons.
12. Get a dog.
13. Dance at least one great salsa dance.
14. On a beautiful weekend go to the Menil. Make sure to explore the whole Menil Campus: museum, Cy Twombly, Dan Flavin, Byzantine and Rothko Chapels. Take a picnic and have lunch somewhere pretty. When you are in the Menil, make sure to pay attention to how the light filters through the louvers. (Am I an archi or what?) - Tara
15. Tell the people you love how important they are to you.
16. Go skiing.
17. Take the most luxurious bath possible. Candles, nice-smelling things, the whole works. - Tara
18. Take some more gorgeous black and white photos
19. Frame them.
20. Take a walk. A nice long walk. Enjoy all the beautiful things around you. Really take them in. - Tara
21. Make tamales with your family.
22. Draw. Get a sketchbook and just go. It doesn't have to be good, but just from you. -Tara
23. Volunteer at something. Pick your cause, do something good. - Tara
24. Donate to a school or hospital. - Tara
25. Give blood. - Tara
26. Take a Vacation alone.
27. Make individual pizzas with fun toppings. - Tara
28. Invite the girls over for a marathon of something super girlie. Grey's, Project Runway, etc.
29. Make up a scavenger hunt. - Tara
30. Get a new hobby
31. Make a calendar with fun pictures from all your adventures. You'll get to remember them throughout the year. - Tara
32. Cook something French.
33. Learn something new, like sewing or knitting. Make something useful. - Tara
34. Just have fun!! Appreciate life and all it's goodness. (A lot of these were my favorite things to do in Singapore, when I was trying to figure out who Tara not involved in 90 million things was. Tara who took her time to appreciate life. And a lot are things I still want to do!! ) -Tara
35. Have a girly sleepover.
36. Go on a “date” with an amazing friend (female) to a really nice restaurant and do the whole appetizer, entrée, wine, AND dessert with no pressure. - Lui
37. Go find a large print or piece of handmade paper (Texas Art) you LOVE and frame it. Put it up in your room. - Tara
38. Make Mexican Mole from scratch
39. See how long I can go without shaving (no one is going to be touching your legs!) – this one of course I treasure since I have to constantly shave because of my bf - Lui
40. Join a flag football team (and yes kids, Mandy Legal and I will be starting one in the spring- be ready) - Lui I amend this to any type of team.
41. Have a spa day with a girlfriend.
42. Take a trip to New Orleans with all the girls for a weekend - Lui
43. Spend a night dancing and singing in your room to your favorite mix of songs - Lui
44. Do something with co-workers not work or lunch related. Connect with people.
45. Take Salsa Lessons
46. Get a Promotion
47. Shamelessly flirt with a stranger.
48. Take Country Dancing Lessons
49. Go Hang Gliding
50. Make a new girlfriend and go out to drinks with her.
51. Be happy for an ex-boyfriend's new relationship.

Whew!  50 is all I have for now, but we'll see how this progresses.

Help in a flood

Did you ever hear the story of the man who's in a flood? His neighbor knocks on his door and tells the man to leave his home and come to safety with him. The man responds that he's waiting for God to come and rescue him and refuses to leave. Hours later the flood gets really bad and another neighbor with a boat comes by to help the man to safety but the man responds the same way. Hours later the water is rising and the man is on the roof when a rescue worker comes by but again, the man replies that he is waiting for God. Finally the flooding gets so intense that the man drowns. When he gets to heaven he asks God why he didn't save him after he had so much faith in Him and God responds, "Who do you think sent those three people?"

After a long night last night I woke up this morning with a better understanding of that story. Yes, things are not ideal and I don't get to see the people I love as much as I want, but I do have support.

A late night phone call, an email from a friend to check up on you, a ride to work when your car is in the shop. These are small signs but they're ways in which people show their support and extend the their hands to you when you feel like you're going to drown. Maybe it's not in the form that you want or from people you expect, but love is there and if you can open your eyes and see it, then maybe there is a path out of the rocky times after all.

Harsh.

"Dinky Pluto loses its status as planet" - header of an AP news article.

Man, like it's not bad enough for Pluto to get demoted, it's got to be insulted in front of millions? That is bunk, you'll always be a planet to me Pluto. Then again, I have no memory for geography so I'm probably just being lazy and unwilling to learn your new reclassification. Either way, here's to you 9th rock from the sun.

Gratitude

I'm working hard on being grateful, despite the small annoyances and difficulties that arise in day to day life. Forgiveness is also a good one, yeah, I should work on that as well.

In this life...

you get what you think you deserve.

Quite a bit has happened since my last post. I got sick about a week after I wrote that entry; I had to go to Mexico since I don't have insurance and the whole thing ended up costing me around $1,200. This ended up coming out of my savings acount, which reduced it by a good amount. I had planned on using that money to go to Costa Rica, but at that point, I would have only been left around $400 in savings, which I was not comfortable with at all. If any other emergency were to pop up, I would have had to slip back into debt and I was not about to put myself in such a precarious situation again.

This led to some hard thinking which made me question why I really wanted to go to Costa Rica. All the pros and cons I mentioned in my previous post still held true, but there was some disconnect in me that wasn't behind the decision to accept the job 100%. But, they wanted me. Me. It is so hard to turn down a work position since as a Hispanic Studies major I didn't have a rush of people fighting for me to work for them. I think that it shook me when I graduated and I had to settle for a job that I didn't want, because it was the only one that I could get and it was selling mattresses. MATTRESSES, people. Granted, I made mucho dinero, paid off about $17,000 in debt in 8 months and paid cash for a trip to Thailand, but at the end off the day? I was still a mattress salesperson. I felt like I was wasting my hard work for my degree staying there.

Ultimately, I thought of the Costa Rica position in these terms: there were too many things about that job that I would have to work around or change: the lack of support structure, the curriculum, the financial instability, the lack o relationships with other organizations and the fact that I had no real network down there to help me. I believe in challenging myself, but I also would like to think that in the past 4 years that I've learned something about how I thrive and what works best for me. Yes, you need to challenge yourself, but you do not need to do it on all fronts, while in a foreign country with no friends or family.

So I didn't. I declined the position. The very next day I got an application from National Council of La Raza to staff their 2006 Lideres Summit in Los Angeles July 2 -13th. And even though I only had a week to do it, I got my recommendations together and my letters written and submitted it. I guess the right opportunity really does show up, you just have to be cognizant of when something is right for you, and when you're just doing it because you think you should, or it's easy, or it sounds like something you should be doing.

And now, I've just finished my Aspiring Youth College For A Day event at Rice. I had 80 at-risk middle school students come in and experience the Rice campus, talk to admissions officers, college students and role models. It was so so much hard work, but it was worth it. For the first time in a very very long time I feel proud of myself. This is something that I dreamed of doing my junior year, and four years later, I single-handedly made it happen though dedication and the people I know. I feel like I'm being the person that I always knew I was, but had lost touch with for a while. I feel like myself again, and I feel like I'm going to continue to make a difference in the world as I discover my path. Thank you thank you to all who helped, who prayed and who believed in me.

Here I am, nearly two years after leaving Costa Rica, and I am contimplating returning. I have been offered a job as an Executive Director of an after school program for Nicaraguan immigrants. There's some great things about the position, there are some not so great things about the position.

Pros:

• Great resume experience for graduate business school
• An opportunity to improve my Spanish
• An opportunity to leave my comfort zone and do something scary
• An opportinity to learn to love being alone. Being able to see that as an exciting thing and not a scary/depressing thing is a shift I really want to make
• Great chance to build my skills in taking initiative and collaboration. There are many organizations that I could work with for this project. Peace Corps, Rotary Club, Ashoka, Rice Graduates in Costa Rica, Rice Volunteers (CIC), Amigos de las Americas
• Improve my ability to uproot myself and take chances.
• Have an adventure while I am young and not attached to anyone or anything.
• Living in Costa Rica. The place is tropical paradise and I would get to see Ana Ligia again, and Dougie maybe.

Cons:

• I would be leaving everything/everyone I love. However, that is really only my family because Tracy's in Atlanta, Tara's going to NY or Dallas, Reada's going to Peru and Sarah and Avanti, who knows. So maybe it's more like I'm leaving my comfort zone. I'm remembering the feeling I had when I walked out of my dorm room freshman year, looking behind and realizing that I was the last one to leave. Of course, at that time I still had three years ahead of me, but it felt very much like I was leaving. Graduation didn't hold the same effect, because Tracy was already gone and Alex was still going to be around, for a few months anyway. But Houston has really become my home though, and I love this city because I know this city.
• I would not be making and money, or paying off any debt. This is already hard to face because a year ago, I made a lot of money and paid off a lot of debt which was such a great feeling. This year I have been in limbo, not paying off so much but not incurring any more debt either, except the car that is. It is really hard to face drastic reduction in income though. But again, now is the time to have that adventure.
• I would be in a mostly friendless situation. For someone as relationship focused as myself, it would be hard to be in a new place without people to count on, and making new friends could be difficult. It could also be a great opportunity to learn to be alone. I mean, I live alone currently but I do so in a very comfortable situation
• I would be working in an unstructured situation. This is another challenge/growth opportunity. I like things highly structured, however it would be great to learn how to work in a situation like this, even if I choose not to make this my strongest area.

My steps now are to check and see if I can defer my student loans and then to book a ticket to C.R. to check it out.