Did you ever hear the story of the man who's in a flood? His neighbor knocks on his door and tells the man to leave his home and come to safety with him. The man responds that he's waiting for God to come and rescue him and refuses to leave. Hours later the flood gets really bad and another neighbor with a boat comes by to help the man to safety but the man responds the same way. Hours later the water is rising and the man is on the roof when a rescue worker comes by but again, the man replies that he is waiting for God. Finally the flooding gets so intense that the man drowns. When he gets to heaven he asks God why he didn't save him after he had so much faith in Him and God responds, "Who do you think sent those three people?"
After a long night last night I woke up this morning with a better understanding of that story. Yes, things are not ideal and I don't get to see the people I love as much as I want, but I do have support.
A late night phone call, an email from a friend to check up on you, a ride to work when your car is in the shop. These are small signs but they're ways in which people show their support and extend the their hands to you when you feel like you're going to drown. Maybe it's not in the form that you want or from people you expect, but love is there and if you can open your eyes and see it, then maybe there is a path out of the rocky times after all.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Harsh.
"Dinky Pluto loses its status as planet" - header of an AP news article.
Man, like it's not bad enough for Pluto to get demoted, it's got to be insulted in front of millions? That is bunk, you'll always be a planet to me Pluto. Then again, I have no memory for geography so I'm probably just being lazy and unwilling to learn your new reclassification. Either way, here's to you 9th rock from the sun.
Man, like it's not bad enough for Pluto to get demoted, it's got to be insulted in front of millions? That is bunk, you'll always be a planet to me Pluto. Then again, I have no memory for geography so I'm probably just being lazy and unwilling to learn your new reclassification. Either way, here's to you 9th rock from the sun.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Gratitude
I'm working hard on being grateful, despite the small annoyances and difficulties that arise in day to day life. Forgiveness is also a good one, yeah, I should work on that as well.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Quite a bit has happened since my last post. I got sick about a week after I wrote that entry; I had to go to Mexico since I don't have insurance and the whole thing ended up costing me around $1,200. This ended up coming out of my savings acount, which reduced it by a good amount. I had planned on using that money to go to Costa Rica, but at that point, I would have only been left around $400 in savings, which I was not comfortable with at all. If any other emergency were to pop up, I would have had to slip back into debt and I was not about to put myself in such a precarious situation again.
This led to some hard thinking which made me question why I really wanted to go to Costa Rica. All the pros and cons I mentioned in my previous post still held true, but there was some disconnect in me that wasn't behind the decision to accept the job 100%. But, they wanted me. Me. It is so hard to turn down a work position since as a Hispanic Studies major I didn't have a rush of people fighting for me to work for them. I think that it shook me when I graduated and I had to settle for a job that I didn't want, because it was the only one that I could get and it was selling mattresses. MATTRESSES, people. Granted, I made mucho dinero, paid off about $17,000 in debt in 8 months and paid cash for a trip to Thailand, but at the end off the day? I was still a mattress salesperson. I felt like I was wasting my hard work for my degree staying there.
Ultimately, I thought of the Costa Rica position in these terms: there were too many things about that job that I would have to work around or change: the lack of support structure, the curriculum, the financial instability, the lack o relationships with other organizations and the fact that I had no real network down there to help me. I believe in challenging myself, but I also would like to think that in the past 4 years that I've learned something about how I thrive and what works best for me. Yes, you need to challenge yourself, but you do not need to do it on all fronts, while in a foreign country with no friends or family.
So I didn't. I declined the position. The very next day I got an application from National Council of La Raza to staff their 2006 Lideres Summit in Los Angeles July 2 -13th. And even though I only had a week to do it, I got my recommendations together and my letters written and submitted it. I guess the right opportunity really does show up, you just have to be cognizant of when something is right for you, and when you're just doing it because you think you should, or it's easy, or it sounds like something you should be doing.
And now, I've just finished my Aspiring Youth College For A Day event at Rice. I had 80 at-risk middle school students come in and experience the Rice campus, talk to admissions officers, college students and role models. It was so so much hard work, but it was worth it. For the first time in a very very long time I feel proud of myself. This is something that I dreamed of doing my junior year, and four years later, I single-handedly made it happen though dedication and the people I know. I feel like I'm being the person that I always knew I was, but had lost touch with for a while. I feel like myself again, and I feel like I'm going to continue to make a difference in the world as I discover my path. Thank you thank you to all who helped, who prayed and who believed in me.
This led to some hard thinking which made me question why I really wanted to go to Costa Rica. All the pros and cons I mentioned in my previous post still held true, but there was some disconnect in me that wasn't behind the decision to accept the job 100%. But, they wanted me. Me. It is so hard to turn down a work position since as a Hispanic Studies major I didn't have a rush of people fighting for me to work for them. I think that it shook me when I graduated and I had to settle for a job that I didn't want, because it was the only one that I could get and it was selling mattresses. MATTRESSES, people. Granted, I made mucho dinero, paid off about $17,000 in debt in 8 months and paid cash for a trip to Thailand, but at the end off the day? I was still a mattress salesperson. I felt like I was wasting my hard work for my degree staying there.
Ultimately, I thought of the Costa Rica position in these terms: there were too many things about that job that I would have to work around or change: the lack of support structure, the curriculum, the financial instability, the lack o relationships with other organizations and the fact that I had no real network down there to help me. I believe in challenging myself, but I also would like to think that in the past 4 years that I've learned something about how I thrive and what works best for me. Yes, you need to challenge yourself, but you do not need to do it on all fronts, while in a foreign country with no friends or family.
So I didn't. I declined the position. The very next day I got an application from National Council of La Raza to staff their 2006 Lideres Summit in Los Angeles July 2 -13th. And even though I only had a week to do it, I got my recommendations together and my letters written and submitted it. I guess the right opportunity really does show up, you just have to be cognizant of when something is right for you, and when you're just doing it because you think you should, or it's easy, or it sounds like something you should be doing.
And now, I've just finished my Aspiring Youth College For A Day event at Rice. I had 80 at-risk middle school students come in and experience the Rice campus, talk to admissions officers, college students and role models. It was so so much hard work, but it was worth it. For the first time in a very very long time I feel proud of myself. This is something that I dreamed of doing my junior year, and four years later, I single-handedly made it happen though dedication and the people I know. I feel like I'm being the person that I always knew I was, but had lost touch with for a while. I feel like myself again, and I feel like I'm going to continue to make a difference in the world as I discover my path. Thank you thank you to all who helped, who prayed and who believed in me.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Here I am, nearly two years after leaving Costa Rica, and I am contimplating returning. I have been offered a job as an Executive Director of an after school program for Nicaraguan immigrants. There's some great things about the position, there are some not so great things about the position.
Pros:
Pros:
- Great resume experience for graduate business school
- An opportunity to improve my Spanish
- An opportunity to leave my comfort zone and do something scary
- An opportinity to learn to love being alone. Being able to see that as an exciting thing and not a scary/depressing thing is a shift I really want to make
- Great chance to build my skills in taking initiative and collaboration. There are many organizations that I could work with for this project. Peace Corps, Rotary Club, Ashoka, Rice Graduates in Costa Rica, Rice Volunteers (CIC), Amigos de las Americas
- Improve my ability to uproot myself and take chances.
- Have an adventure while I am young and not attached to anyone or anything.
- Living in Costa Rica. The place is tropical paradise and I would get to see Ana Ligia again, and Dougie maybe.
- I would be leaving everything/everyone I love. However, that is really only my family because Tracy's in Atlanta, Tara's going to NY or Dallas, Reada's going to Peru and Sarah and Avanti, who knows. So maybe it's more like I'm leaving my comfort zone. I'm remembering the feeling I had when I walked out of my dorm room freshman year, looking behind and realizing that I was the last one to leave. Of course, at that time I still had three years ahead of me, but it felt very much like I was leaving. Graduation didn't hold the same effect, because Tracy was already gone and Alex was still going to be around, for a few months anyway. But Houston has really become my home though, and I love this city because I know this city.
- I would not be making and money, or paying off any debt. This is already hard to face because a year ago, I made a lot of money and paid off a lot of debt which was such a great feeling. This year I have been in limbo, not paying off so much but not incurring any more debt either, except the car that is. It is really hard to face drastic reduction in income though. But again, now is the time to have that adventure.
- I would be in a mostly friendless situation. For someone as relationship focused as myself, it would be hard to be in a new place without people to count on, and making new friends could be difficult. It could also be a great opportunity to learn to be alone. I mean, I live alone currently but I do so in a very comfortable situation
- I would be working in an unstructured situation. This is another challenge/growth opportunity. I like things highly structured, however it would be great to learn how to work in a situation like this, even if I choose not to make this my strongest area.
Sunday, March 21, 2004
Going out with a bang
So my final weekend in Costa Rica is over and I have to say, it's been one of the most memorable. I had some people invite me to the beach, but my favorite place in the whole country is at the Tobogan, so I opted to stay in San Jose and dance the night away with Dougie, Robert, Mandy, Alex, Jason and Jayme. I have to say, there's something about salsa dancing that's so much more rewarding than any other Friday night activity. I think it's the fact that you're connecting with your dance partner, you're accomplishing something together. You just get this high off physically exerting yourself, learning new moves, having that "perfect" dance with someone. Freesyle dancing is great too, but it doesn't take the effort, practice and dedication that salsa does. Maybe that's it, it's an effort to be good, so it means more.
Saturday morning was spent loafing around until four or so. I tried to bake brownies for the barbeque at Doug's but my oven here sucks so they didn't quite bake. Ok, so it was more like they were cooked around the edges but the center was liquid, but they were still good. Chocolate is chocolate. Doug, ever the chauffer, picked Rachel, Jason, Robert and I up and then we went to his house in the mountains. This man has the most amazing home I've ever been to. The view from his place is incredible and there are all these windows everywhere to take full advantage of it. You can see San Jose, all the way down to the ocean. This house just had the most peaceful vibe I've ever encountered, chimes tinkling and fairy lights everywhere. We caught a gorgeous sunset and just fooled around taking pictures, learning new dance moves, playing the guitar, singing and talking.
Later we built a huge hot air balloon out of tissue paper and let it fly off into the mountains. Well, it actually caught on fire and landed in a tree. Luckily no damage was done. JuanRo and Alex joined us in time for burgers but left pretty soon after. Game junkies that we all are, we played crazy Uno for like three hours. Let it be known that I kick ass at Uno :). We finally left at about 2AM. You'd think that 10 hours with each other would be enough, but oh no. We stopped at Denny's and didn't get home until 4:30 in the morning.
The best thing about this night was that it was the first time I've felt at home here. I mean, that is exactly my favorite kind of night, one where people just chill and enjoy themselves without having to impress each other or get crazy drunk or try to hook up with everything in sight. It was just people relating to each other.
Saturday morning was spent loafing around until four or so. I tried to bake brownies for the barbeque at Doug's but my oven here sucks so they didn't quite bake. Ok, so it was more like they were cooked around the edges but the center was liquid, but they were still good. Chocolate is chocolate. Doug, ever the chauffer, picked Rachel, Jason, Robert and I up and then we went to his house in the mountains. This man has the most amazing home I've ever been to. The view from his place is incredible and there are all these windows everywhere to take full advantage of it. You can see San Jose, all the way down to the ocean. This house just had the most peaceful vibe I've ever encountered, chimes tinkling and fairy lights everywhere. We caught a gorgeous sunset and just fooled around taking pictures, learning new dance moves, playing the guitar, singing and talking.
Later we built a huge hot air balloon out of tissue paper and let it fly off into the mountains. Well, it actually caught on fire and landed in a tree. Luckily no damage was done. JuanRo and Alex joined us in time for burgers but left pretty soon after. Game junkies that we all are, we played crazy Uno for like three hours. Let it be known that I kick ass at Uno :). We finally left at about 2AM. You'd think that 10 hours with each other would be enough, but oh no. We stopped at Denny's and didn't get home until 4:30 in the morning.
The best thing about this night was that it was the first time I've felt at home here. I mean, that is exactly my favorite kind of night, one where people just chill and enjoy themselves without having to impress each other or get crazy drunk or try to hook up with everything in sight. It was just people relating to each other.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
Last week in Costa Rica
Well, I'd say my time here passed like a gimpy bird: it flew, but dragged at the same time.
All my slacking is catching up with me and I have to try to get some papers written using the ridiculous educational system in Costa Rica. The NATIONAL library does let you check out books, you have to read in their AC-less dungeon. Apparently the book theft here was sky high. Well, then you make copies right? Wrong. You copy things by hand. Tomorrow will be spent in the dungeon with note cards and a pen. Man, to have DSL again...sigh.
On the upside, the concert sleezy Ramiro sprung on us last night at 6PM was a success. I made some fliers and did some last minute promoting, and the whole thing went really well. This amazing steel pan player had a mini-concert in the middle of the school and he played souka, reggae, calypso and some hip hop. Outcast and Nellie sound better on the steelpan than on the radio!
I finally found a job I really want, problem is that I may be underqualified. But I've never let that stop me before, so perhaps, just perhaps I can finagle my way into the Mexican American Legal Defense and Education Fund. Doesn't that sound like the perfect organization? So, everyone wish me luck, and if you happen to know anyone at MALDEF, let me know!
All my slacking is catching up with me and I have to try to get some papers written using the ridiculous educational system in Costa Rica. The NATIONAL library does let you check out books, you have to read in their AC-less dungeon. Apparently the book theft here was sky high. Well, then you make copies right? Wrong. You copy things by hand. Tomorrow will be spent in the dungeon with note cards and a pen. Man, to have DSL again...sigh.
On the upside, the concert sleezy Ramiro sprung on us last night at 6PM was a success. I made some fliers and did some last minute promoting, and the whole thing went really well. This amazing steel pan player had a mini-concert in the middle of the school and he played souka, reggae, calypso and some hip hop. Outcast and Nellie sound better on the steelpan than on the radio!
I finally found a job I really want, problem is that I may be underqualified. But I've never let that stop me before, so perhaps, just perhaps I can finagle my way into the Mexican American Legal Defense and Education Fund. Doesn't that sound like the perfect organization? So, everyone wish me luck, and if you happen to know anyone at MALDEF, let me know!
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
It's been a while
I think my last post was something like a month ago, so I have a lot to catch up on. My favorite people on earth (minus the little Indian) came to Costa Rica to visit. Now, I know that I'm not exactly in Siberia and Costa Rica is an amazing place to visit but it meant a lot to me that my loved ones would come all the way down here to see me. That just goes to show what amazing people I have in my life.
All in all the vacation was great, everyone played nice, and aside from the 32 hours on the bus, I enjoyed every minute of it. We went to Manuel Antonio Beach where we rented a villa that we thought was really overpriced. That is, until we checked out the balcony where we could see all the stars in Costa Rica's sky. We lugged the mattress up there and spent the night outside and woke up to this breathtaking view of the ocean. The day was spent on the beach getting a little too much sun, then we headed to Monteverde to hike in the cloud forest and chill. We got really lucky and rented little cabin in the woods where we got to watch a fantastic sunset and play with a really friendly monkey. He peed on Tara's head though. Sorry, that still cracks me up.
Tara headed out at the same time that Tracy arrived, then Tara came back due to flight trouble. We rented another overpriced hotel, this time in San Jose. The redeeming factor was supposed to be that they had a jacuzzi. Well, they did have one, and it was cute, problem was it was FREEZING! We all stood outside in our swimsuits taking turns sticking our toes in and pronouncing, "it's definitely getting warmer." After half an hour of this we came to the conclusion that it was "solar-heated". I tried to get the concierge to get us into the Holiday Inn next door to use their heated hot tub but all my effort was for naught.
After Alex left Tracy and I went white water rafting on the Rio Pacuare, which has class 3 and 4 rapids. The excursion was really fun, but four hours in the rain and icy river gets to be a little much and we got a case of raft butt, which is just bruising and numbness but it's much more fun to say "raft butt". The Caribbean was next on our list but we got rained out and I got a rash from the banana plant so that leg of the trip wasn't the greatest. We did, however, spend lots of quality time talking and catching up and looking forward which was priceless.
Eventually my friends had to go home, and here I stay in San Jose. My money is running out, papers are coming due and I'm getting ready to head back to Houston. Only 9 days folks.
All in all the vacation was great, everyone played nice, and aside from the 32 hours on the bus, I enjoyed every minute of it. We went to Manuel Antonio Beach where we rented a villa that we thought was really overpriced. That is, until we checked out the balcony where we could see all the stars in Costa Rica's sky. We lugged the mattress up there and spent the night outside and woke up to this breathtaking view of the ocean. The day was spent on the beach getting a little too much sun, then we headed to Monteverde to hike in the cloud forest and chill. We got really lucky and rented little cabin in the woods where we got to watch a fantastic sunset and play with a really friendly monkey. He peed on Tara's head though. Sorry, that still cracks me up.
Tara headed out at the same time that Tracy arrived, then Tara came back due to flight trouble. We rented another overpriced hotel, this time in San Jose. The redeeming factor was supposed to be that they had a jacuzzi. Well, they did have one, and it was cute, problem was it was FREEZING! We all stood outside in our swimsuits taking turns sticking our toes in and pronouncing, "it's definitely getting warmer." After half an hour of this we came to the conclusion that it was "solar-heated". I tried to get the concierge to get us into the Holiday Inn next door to use their heated hot tub but all my effort was for naught.
After Alex left Tracy and I went white water rafting on the Rio Pacuare, which has class 3 and 4 rapids. The excursion was really fun, but four hours in the rain and icy river gets to be a little much and we got a case of raft butt, which is just bruising and numbness but it's much more fun to say "raft butt". The Caribbean was next on our list but we got rained out and I got a rash from the banana plant so that leg of the trip wasn't the greatest. We did, however, spend lots of quality time talking and catching up and looking forward which was priceless.
Eventually my friends had to go home, and here I stay in San Jose. My money is running out, papers are coming due and I'm getting ready to head back to Houston. Only 9 days folks.
Thursday, February 26, 2004
Everyday life in San Jose
I've been taking it pretty easy lately trying to spend as little money as possible since my friends are getting here in a few hours and we're gonna be vacationing for about 11 days. Yesterday I went to Cafe Expresivo with Stacy, and amazing 32 girl who's pretty chill for the most part. I love talking with older people because they have so much perspective, they've just done so much more than I have and have great stories to tell. We discussed a ton of stuff and I've been reflecting a lot on my attitude. Generally I'm a pretty uptight, bossy kind of person. In fact I've been told that I'm the bossiest person that certain people have ever met. Now, since I'm in such a tranquilo country I figured I could make use of the time to let the little things go and relax more. Generally there is no need to let so many things upset you, they just aren't worth it in the long run. That and I'm trying to change my attitude as far as hearing other people out. To all those people that I've had this issue with, I'm sorry and I'm trying, don't give up hope for me yet.
Anyhow, the Stracy and I hung out and talked for about 4 hours straight which was a nice change from the usual, come home, eat dinner, watch TV go to bed routine I've been in. The past couple of nights I haven't been sleeping well at all, I've been having stressful dreams and I'm just generally a little anxious. I know that things will resolve themselves once people get here. My new mantra in life is "Peace of heart and clarity of mind."
This past weekend I went to the Tobogan (as usual) on Friday. Saturday was spent chilling with my tica family and I took Pamela and Nicol rollerskating. Man, I've talked about this before with some people, but don't you wish you could re-create the fearlessness of childhood? I mean, I got into my skates and it took me an hour to get around the stupid rink once because I kept stopping for fear of falling on my ass. I mean here I am, a virtual giant compared to all these children whizzing by and I won't let go of the railing while 7 year old Nicol just skates off like nothing. Maybe it's because they are closer to the ground so they don't have as far to fall or something but little kids just throw fear to the wind and have fun. Lesson anyone?
Saturday night Cinea my tica aunt invited Ligia and I to a single/divoreced/widowed over thirty party. At first I was kinda skeptical but I didn't have any plans so I said why not. I have to give it to Latinos, they know how to party. It wasn't one of these drink till you are sloshed, hook up with some random person kinda party. People were friendly and open. They drank, but only a little and boy, people didn't stop dancing. Basically it was hours of people just enjoying themselves and talking, joking, and having a great time.
Sunday the four of us, plus Cinea and my abuela-tica went to the park for a picnic. Overall everyone just chilled and drank in the sun. All this time with the psuedo-familia really makes me miss my own though. However, my parents did call me to let me know that they were heading to the Spurs/Houston game that I bought them tickets to. Unfortunately for my father, the Spurs wiped the floor with the Rockets. It made me miss home less to just chill and watch the game on tv. Technically soccer is the national sport of Costa Rica but I only have enough room in my heart for one team.
Anyhow, the Stracy and I hung out and talked for about 4 hours straight which was a nice change from the usual, come home, eat dinner, watch TV go to bed routine I've been in. The past couple of nights I haven't been sleeping well at all, I've been having stressful dreams and I'm just generally a little anxious. I know that things will resolve themselves once people get here. My new mantra in life is "Peace of heart and clarity of mind."
This past weekend I went to the Tobogan (as usual) on Friday. Saturday was spent chilling with my tica family and I took Pamela and Nicol rollerskating. Man, I've talked about this before with some people, but don't you wish you could re-create the fearlessness of childhood? I mean, I got into my skates and it took me an hour to get around the stupid rink once because I kept stopping for fear of falling on my ass. I mean here I am, a virtual giant compared to all these children whizzing by and I won't let go of the railing while 7 year old Nicol just skates off like nothing. Maybe it's because they are closer to the ground so they don't have as far to fall or something but little kids just throw fear to the wind and have fun. Lesson anyone?
Saturday night Cinea my tica aunt invited Ligia and I to a single/divoreced/widowed over thirty party. At first I was kinda skeptical but I didn't have any plans so I said why not. I have to give it to Latinos, they know how to party. It wasn't one of these drink till you are sloshed, hook up with some random person kinda party. People were friendly and open. They drank, but only a little and boy, people didn't stop dancing. Basically it was hours of people just enjoying themselves and talking, joking, and having a great time.
Sunday the four of us, plus Cinea and my abuela-tica went to the park for a picnic. Overall everyone just chilled and drank in the sun. All this time with the psuedo-familia really makes me miss my own though. However, my parents did call me to let me know that they were heading to the Spurs/Houston game that I bought them tickets to. Unfortunately for my father, the Spurs wiped the floor with the Rockets. It made me miss home less to just chill and watch the game on tv. Technically soccer is the national sport of Costa Rica but I only have enough room in my heart for one team.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)